Preserving Pretences
by RagdollPrincess
Summary: Jorda is a young female dwarf on the brink of finding a husband. But she can't help seeking one last adventure before entering this stage of her life. She didn't expect to be badly injured in the Battle of the Five Armies, and certainly didn't expect for her secret to be discovered, bringing great shame to hear family that she must rectify. M rating for now unless plans change.
1. Discovered!

Jorda's mouth felt dry as sandpaper as her eyes struggled to open.

"There there, lass," a familiar voice said in a soothing tone. Oin. The voice was Oin's. "Don't be too hasty. You've been out fer awhile." A cool wet cloth was pressed against her lips and she felt calmer as she sucked the moisture from it desperately, her eyes still shut.

"There there," the voice said again.

"Oin," she croaked.

"Yes, lass," he answered. "Yer parents just stepped out. They'll be glad yer awake."

She started in alarm. Her parents? She must have been out for a very long time indeed as her parents lived at least a four day ride from Erebor.

The cloth was taken away, and a fresh one replaced it. She was frustrated by being given so little. She wanted to gulp gallons of cool mountain water, her thirst overwhelming.

She willed herself to breath as she focused on taking what she could from the cloth. Her breath steadied her, and she started the old habit of taking stock of herself. She was lying down in what seemed to be a cool room. She was not cold but the air that she breathed in was cool against her nose.

The room was also dark. Although her eyes were still shot she knew the room was dark because she could not see any light filtering through her eyelids. The room was also very quiet. She could hear Oin nearby, he must be only a couple of feet away, and she could hear him scribbling a quill on parchment. They must've found parchment then, or maybe he had borrowed some from Ori.

Right, that reminded her again that they were in Erebor. There had been a battle. It had gone on for what seems like ages. And then just as the White Orc had attacked Thorin, she had stepped in, sliding across the ice and taking the blow for herself. And then there had been darkness and nothing after until now. When she had awoken in this cool quiet dark room.

Remembering the blow, she quickly took stock of her body. She began by experimentally wiggling her fingers, relieved to find that she could move them. She moved up her arms and shoulders. All able to move. Then she began with her toes. Her right foot was able to move easily but she groaned as she tried to move her left leg, a sharp pain shooting up her bone into her hip.

"Oh, no," Oin said. "Don't try to move. I've set the bone and it's begun to heal well, but ye won't be able to move it for nigh some time. Yer lucky you didn't lose the leg, but you're starting to heal well and are going to be alright. I never thought I'd see an injury like this on a lass." He muttered the last statement under his breath.

Jorda was starting to feel more stable and awake, and this time she didn't miss the word Oin used. She paused before croaking out.

"You called me lass," she said, the statement matter of fact, a defeat rather than a question.

Oin didn't answer at first. "Well you can hardly expect me to tend to yer wounds without learning the truth."

"And my parents are here," she added. "So everyone knows." Her eyes were open now. Staring unseeingly into the dimly lit room that she now realized she was in by herself because she was female.

Oin paused again. "Aye, Jorda, everyone knows." Is was the first time anyone from the company had referred to her by her real name. She'd been Jord, son of Gird, son of Vard to them. Not Jorda, maiden of the Iron Hills who had run away from her home in search of adventure. She'd met the company in Bree as they'd begun to prepare for their journey to reclaim their home. They were surprised to meet another dwarf, but they'd concluded she'd been sent by Dane and had welcomed her into the company, along with comments that Dane should have been able to afford to send more than just one to lend a hand to the cause.

And hers were well trained. This hadn't been the first time she'd posed as a male. She'd spent her childhood sneaking out, tucking her hair under her hat, and seeking out adventures. She's become quite a skilled fighter as a result,

Her parents knew, well at least her father knew, and Jorda thought he was secretly proud. She was the only of five children to survive beyond infancy, and her father doted on her. It was even better that she could discuss weapons with him, which was also his livelihood. He made the best war axes in Middle Earth, something he'd hope to pass to his son one day. But there was no son, just Jorda.

Jorda was unable to inherit her father's craft. Dwarrow women had a very clear role, to meet another dwarf, marry, tend to the home, and have children. And Jorda was now of a marriageable age, which was why she'd gone on this last huge adventure, leaving a letter for her parents explaining everything and assuring them she'd return in time to begin the courting season. Soon she would attend parties and events, meeting dwarves, hopefully falling in love with one. Her mother always said love didn't matter, which Jorda found so sad. She couldn't understand how someone could marry without being in love.

But she hadn't expected this outcome of her actions either, resulting in her being found out. And now she had a different problem because she had brought great shame to her family. As a result of her impulsive decision to join a company of male dwarves to fight a dragon, sleep alongside them unchaperoned no less, dance and eat and celebrate beside them, brought horrible shame to her family. They were ruined. She felt sick thinking of what sort of future awaited her now. How would their reputation recover from this?

As though summoned by her thoughts she heard her parents voices outside her door. Oin moved away from her. She grabbed his arm before he got too far and waited for him to put his ear trumpet in. "How did the others fare?" she asked earnestly.

He smiled now. "All well, lass. All well. There were heavy losses on both sides, but all of the company survived. And I understand you are responsible for our king's health. He will not forget that." Oin patted her hand warmly before exiting the room.

She nodded, relieved. She'd grown close to them in time they'd spent together and would have been devastated if anyone had been lost. That was why she'd so willingly tried to save Thorin's life, even in exchange for her own.

A few moments later her mother walked in, followed by the slower gait of her father. Jorda braced herself for the whip of her mother's anger as the dwarrowdam came to her side.

Her mother reached for her and grasped her in a tight hug. "You're alright. Oh you're alright." She breathed as Jorda winced from the tight embrace. She hadn't expected this reaction.

"I'm sorry, Mama," she mumbled into her mother's shoulder. Her mother moved back, allowing her father to step in. He enveloped her in a quick warm embrace. Neither were prone to prolonged physical affection. It had taken Jorda years to realize they loved each other deeply, as deeply as she wished to love and be loved one day, which reminded her of what she'd done to her family. She began to cry.

"Oh Jorda don't cry. Everything is alright now. You're safe, and Healer Oin says you're going to be right as rain soon enough."

Jorda sniffled and nodded. "Yes but the shame. By being found out to be female having spent so much time with males, I've tarnished the family name." To her surprise her mother sat down on the bed again.

"Well, I must admit it was frightened of the same myself. The way you two carry on," she shot a look at Jorda's father. "I should have put an end to it years ago. What a way for a girl to be carrying on. But hopefully you've learnt your lesson now and will put a stop to it. Marriage will see to that. it's all been arranged and you don't need to worry about a thing."

Jorda looked at her parents in confusion. Her mother looked delighted, and her father looked uncomfortable as he avoided Jorda's eyes. "What do you mean it's all been arranged?"

Jorda's mother looked to her father who cleared his throat. "Well, considering the events, I mean, with all that took place …" he mumbled.

Her mother sighed. "Jorda," she began, "King Thorin says he owes you a debt of gratitude for saving his life, although I don't know how a mere girl could save the life of a grown dwarf, but nonetheless we are fortunate that he feels he owes you a service, for otherwise our family would be thrown into ruin by your actions and how you've been carrying on in the company of so many grown dwarves, many of whom were unattached. But the king has made arrangements to honour you, and all will be set right."

Jorda still didn't understand. "Arrangements? What arrangements." Thoughts flashed through her mind. Were they going to send her away? Publicly disown her so that her parents could continue to live a good life without her?

"Now that you are awake, and appear to have your wits about you, not that that really matters in these circumstances, your wedding to Prince Kili will take place as soon as it can be arranged."

Jorda gaped at her parents in astonishment. "My wedding?" she stammered. Her mother nodded.

"To Prince Kili?"

Her mother sighed. "Yes, Jorda, weren't you listening?"

"Parminda," her father interjected, "the girl has only just awoken."

Her mother sniffed, "That's no excuse. Princesses can't afford to be daft, regardless of the circumstances they are in."

"Princess?" Jorda repeated. It was all too much. The confusion settled over her, and she suddenly became very aware of her dry mouth, the aches in her body, the pain in her leg. She began to look around her in desperation hoping to find water or something that would calm her.

Suddenly Master Oin was at her side, offering the wet cloth again. She sucked on it but continued to look wildly around the room. Her parents stared at her in alarm as Master Oin ushered them away from the bed.

"She is in distress, likely from everything that has happened. I must give her a sleeping draught." A vial was procured and pressed to her lips. She only managed to drink it. The medicine worked quickly as darkness crept in from the edges of her vision.

As she passed into sleep, Jorda could hear her mother's voice. "Well, I never. After all that could possibly have gone wrong, you think she would be happy." This was the last thing Jorda heard before falling into a dreamless slumber.


	2. Wedding Night

Weeks later on her wedding night Jorda stood alone in her bed chamber awaiting her husband. She had been taken out of her gold ceremonial wedding gown and ushered amidst giggles by her attendants, supervised by her mother, into the pale blue lace nightgown she now wore. It was beautiful, delicate and light, and she would have delighted in it had she not been so nervous.

Her light brown hair had been brushed until it crackled and now hung almost to her knees in loose natural curls. She had had to go to great lengths to disguise her hair when dressed as a boy. She'd managed to obtain a cap that secured it firmly, over which she wore a wig. It had been incredibly warm.

The wedding had been as grand and elaborate as could be managed in the short weeks since the battle. A royal wedding couldn't be more perfect now for what the dwarves needed to symbolize their victory and the hopes for the future.

People had been pouring into Erebor everyday, bringing with them tools, supplies, and goods, and they had been incredibly industrious. There was so much work to do to restore the kingdom, but so much had already been done. The bodies of those who had been trapped in the chambers had been removed and ceremonies had been held in their honour. The grieving had lasted a week, and the mountain had fallen under a shroud of hushed sadness for that time.

Then the restoration work had begun. Hundreds of rooms had been cleaned and were now in use. Larders had been filled, decorations hung, and even a market had been erected, all in a few short weeks. The mountain was bustling with energy and excitement, and now there was a royal wedding! The excitement was contagious. Everyone was thrilled.

The wedding ceremony had been the first time Jorda had seen Kili since the battle. She'd been kept away from him, as was considered proper dwarven custom in wedding preparations. She'd tried to sneak out, desperate to talk to him, to make sure he was entering into this arrangement willingly, to make sure that things were alright between them. They'd become best friends on the quest, but then she'd been male. Now all was different. She needed to know that everything was alright.

But any attempt to communicate with him had been thwarted again and again. She was closely guarded by her mother and then by her own personal guard, Lire, who she disliked greatly, as much as it pained her to dislike anyone. All of the royal women had a guard with them at all times. He was like a constant shadow, and she wondered if he ever actually slept. She'd tried leaving her room in the wee hours of the morning, and there he had been standing sentinel by her door. Although she knew this was for her own protection, she couldn't help feeling like a prisoner. And all she wanted was to speak with her betrothed. Surely she wasn't being unreasonable.

But no luck was to be had, and suddenly the wedding day was here and she was standing in her gold gown next to Kili, who was tall and resplendent in blue. She tried to read his expression during the ceremony by was impeded by the heavily jeweled veil over her eyes.

Finally they were instructed to turn towards each other and their gazes locked. She searched his desperately, and he smiled at her, his smile warm, and then he even winked. She had breathed a sigh of relief. This was the sign she'd been searching for. This was still her friend who she knew so well. She knew he wouldn't have seemed so genuinely happy at that moment if things hadn't been alright. During the feast afterwards they'd been unable to talk because they were surrounded by noisy people, but he had been warm, attentive, responsive. Their gazes had locked repeatedly and he'd always smiled at her warmly and pleasantly. He'd often reached for her hand to hold or squeeze affectionately. He seemed to be highly willing to enter into this arrangement, and she was appeased.

But now she stood in her wedding chamber alone. Her nerves had returned, and worsened with each minute that he did not arrive. He must have been detained. Perhaps he was still at the feast, which she had left before him. Maybe he had been instructed to give her ample time to ready herself. He likely had someone instructing him on the actions of this evening, just as her mother had emphasized the importance of being a dutiful wife, with specific detailed examples. Jorda had been unprepared for these examples and hoped to erase that conversation from her memory. She knew what was expected of a wife and hadn't needed her mother to explicitly describe it.

Jorda knew her duty. She was truly and deeply grateful for what Kili, and his family, had done for hers. And she was more than willing to rise to the occasion of fulfilling her wifely responsibilities. Something her mother did not seem to understand was that Jorda always had been dutiful, just also very curious, and only wanted to live her life in a way that allowed for both, which seemed reasonable to her. Yes, this time things had not gone entirely according to plan, but it had worked out much better in the end than it could have.

What Jorda needed more than anything right now was simply to talk to her new husband. Alone. For five minutes. She was sure that things would be just fine if she could just speak with him alone and have an actual conversation about everything that had happened and the life that now stretched before them as a result. They had been very good friends, after all. Why should things change now? Unless he resented her for the situation they were now in, which was possible. Maybe he had been forced to offer for her hand, found her repulsive, resented her for his feeling compelled to rescue her reputation and family's fate.

Which was exactly why she needed to talk to him. If any of this were true, then maybe she could do something, anything, to put it right. She could at least try. At the very worst, it wasn't too late to annul the marrriage if she found that Kili was devastated by the situation they now found themselves in.

Time continued to pass. She had been sitting on a chair by the bed but became restless as she waited. She got up and moved about the room, slightly rearranging her scant belongings that had been brought by her parents or friends coming from the Iron Hills.

The bed linens had been turned down invitingly. They made her nervous as she stood considering them. She thought they could be upsetting for Kili so she turned them up again, rearranged pillows neatly. Rearranged objects again.

She sat again, bouncing her knee until she rose up again and wandered around the room aimlessly. She changed her mind and turned the bed covers down again. Maybe they would help her feel bold.

Still he did not come.

An hour passed. Then another. Then several more. The notched candle burnt lower and lower. Her restlessness passed to paralysis as she sat upright in the chair, staring into space, refusing to believe he would not come at all. She began to feel cold, her body wanting sleep that she was unable to take.

Jorda's thoughts changed as the night dragged on in this painful manner. Instead of hoping for his arrival, she began to dread it and wonder if his prolonged absence meant that he was still partaking in the festivities and as a result would arrive very drunk.

She'd heard of this happening on wedding nights, of drunken bridegrooms delivered to their wedding chamber nearly unconscious, tumbling incoherently into the wedding bed, nothing accomplished. Laughter was often shared because the bridegrooms often did not themselves know what had or had not transpired, drunk as they were.

Suddenly Jorda froze in her frantic fidgeting at this thought. She had just realized that she had a problem before her. She was a virgin, but people would expect evidence of her chastity, especially considering the circumstances of Kili's offer of marriage. Only the company and a handful of others knew that she'd been on the quest, but still she needed to ensure that people didn't think she'd been dishonorable. Especially if she did eventually bear a child, that child's paternity could it be thrown into question if there were doubt. It would be expected that there be blood on the sheets after her first night with Kili. She'd heard stories of first nights with husbands and what it could be like for some wives. She knew this was expected and watched for.

Suddenly panicked she flew around the room. She had to find a way to produce the evidence and was desperate to find something that she could cut her finger with. It was impossible. There wasn't a singlee pin or even a sharp edge. She considered for a second opening the door to see if Lire had something that could help her but thought better of it. He was so horrid she could never trust him with something like this, and even if she found a way not to disclose the purpose, it would be too unusual.

In her search she pulled aside a hanging tapestry to find a door behind it. She stepped back startled. This was clearly meant to be kept secret. She paused for a second before trying the handle. The door was locked. It looked like when opened that it swung out of the room so as not to disrupt the tapestry, and locked with a key. She hadn't seen a key anywhere in her search and wondered if someone how had it or if it had been lost when Smaug had attacked the mountain.

However other matters were more pressing right now. She made a mental note to ask Kili about the door when she finally had a moment to speak with him, and continued her search.

Finally she remembered that she had had a tiny knife that she'd worn on a chain around her neck. Her father had made it for her. It was nearly useless, but they had both loved it. He'd been delighted to see how small a knife he could make that would still cut. It had been incredibly sharp in the end, and it even had a tiny little scabbard that she herself had made. It was something they'd created together and she cherished it.

Her pack and other belongings had been stowed in the wardrobe, although her weapons had seemed to disappear after she'd awoken from the battle. But maybe someone hadn't thought the necklace was particularly inappropriate for a woman to have. She yanked her bag from the wardrobe and dug through it, whooping when she found the tiny weapon, only an inch long. She silenced herself when she remembered Lire stood outside the door.

Knife in hand she climbed onto the bed and knelt on the center. Removing the little knife from its scabbard, she considered her hand. It seemed to make the most sense to cut a finger. She choose the inside of her smallest finger on her left hand and made a small cut there, hissing from the sting.

Blood began to trickle from the small wound. Too much blood, and she was careful to not put too much on the sheets, before going to stop the flow with a handkerchief that she'd have to find a way to burn.

She placed the knife on its chain around her neck again. There was no need to hide it as it appeared only decorative. Considering the bed for a moment she realized it looked like it had not been slept in. She lay down in it and rolled back and forth a few times, kicking her feet slightly. Standing up she was satisfied with what she saw.

Glancing at the time candle she noted it was nearly time for breakfast. So he was not coming then. Sighing she turned away from the bed, deeply disappointed. She had wanted so badly to speak with Kili. And she had been anticipating the consummation of their marriage as well. She would have been willing, would have been proud of herself. In fact would have been eager.

She had spent several weeks thinking about what it would be like to complete her wifely duties with Kili and realized she didn't mind at all. If she was honest with herself she'd grown quite attached to him on the quest. She'd never allowed it to grow beyond that, since he was a prince beyond her reach and since he didn't even know she was a woman. She had never imagined that he would be the one for her to marry one day. But now she was wedded to him, although in name but not in spirit.

Jorda began to prepare herself for breakfast. When she was ready, she stood, with hand on the door, glancing back at the room to scan it. Nothing seemed amiss. Turning she exited the room, wishing Lire a curt good morning before continuing on her way.


	3. Fond Farewells

**My chapters are slowly getting longer :) Thank you for the follows everyone!**

* * *

Shortly afterwards Jorda arrived in the dining chamber where the royal family took their breakfast and luncheon. She had brushed her hair vigorously, and again it hung loose down her back except for a small piece she'd pulled back from the front to clip at the nape of her neck. She wore a spring green gown, one of her favorites that she had always preferred. It was comfortable and warm, adorned only with embroidery on the bodice.

She was the first to arrive which she was grateful for. She had not eaten here before. Until the wedding she'd taken meals with her family, as she had been kept separate. But she knew she wasn't able to eat today. She could hardly keep her hands from shaking as she sat with them clasped waiting for the others to arrive.

The next to arrive was Fili. Seeing her in the room, he paused on the doorway. Their eyes met. They had not spoken in several months. She liked him for the most part but never quite knew what he was thinking. He always seemed to be enjoying a private joke, and he could be moody at certain times, like first thing in the morning.

"Sister," he greeted her and surprised her by smiling. He moved around the table and bent to kiss her warmly on the cheek. "It gives me great pleasure to address you this way," he smiled as he straightened up. She was surprised as he seemed genuine, something she wasn't sure she had actually seen before. He tended to respond to such moments by smirking, making a joke, and avoiding eye contact.

"Thank you, brother," she responded, trying the wordexperimentally.

He sat opposite her. "I always wanted a sister," he said. "Sometimes when Kili was younger I'd make him dress up and pretend to be one. He made a good sister." Fili glanced at her, his eyes gleaming with humor again. She laughed slightly not finding what he'd said funny enough to shake her from her preoccupation.

Just then her parents arrived, followed closely by Lady Dis, her husband Vili who moved carefully on his wooden leg, and Thorin. "Jorda!" Dis exclaimed. "How lovely to have you joining us here!" Jorda rose and Dis embraced her warmly. Sitting down again, her parents on her right, only one seat to her left was vacant. "And where is your new husband, my dear?" Dis asked smiling at her from beside Fili.

Fili glanced at Jorda, looking as though he was deeply interested in her response. She wondered for a moment if he knew where Kili was. Jorda was saved from answering by Kili's arrival.

"Good morning mother," he said, sitting in the vacant chair next to Jorda amidst morning greetings. She tried not to look confused as he greeted her. "Good morning, my wife," Kili added. Jorda's heart race in alarm as his eyes caught hers while he leaned towards her. She was unsure what he was about to do or what was expected of her. His stubble scratched against her skin as he kissed her cheek warmly. He pulled back smiling and laid his hand over hers on the table as he stroked his thumb against her fingers.

She stared around the room, deeply confused and unsure what to do. Dis and her mother smiled back at her warmly, expectantly. She slowly turned to Kili.

"Good morning, my husband," she said. She blushed slightly at the words, as her eyes searched his. She wished she could communicate the thoughts chanting in her head. Where were you last night? Where were you last night? Where were you last night? His gaze was warm as they looked at each other. She felt herself begin to smile, finding his seeming pleasure at seeing her infectious.

They turned back to the table. Dis and her mother looked delighted. However, Fili, who was still seated across from her, was staring openly at her. She found his expression difficult to read but did not like it. He seemed to be mocking her, trying not to laugh. She ignored it, dropping her gaze to her plate as the conversation resumed around them, althoug Jorda did not heed the discussion. Her mind was swirling with thoughts and questions..

Kili continued running his thumb of her fingers and actually started playing with each individual finger, as though he was exploring her hand. It was a very intimate gesture. As he touched her smallest finger Jorda winced, which he didn't miss. She watched him look at the little finger and see the fresh wound there. His brown furrowed in concern and he looked at her, confused. She gently extracted her hand from his and rested it in her lap.

After a few moments she began to listen to what was being said. There seemed to be a discussion about a wedding but not the one that had just taken place.

"She would surely be a suitable match for you," Dis said. "She is young, and word is that she is very pretty and has been raised with all of the graces expected of a princess."

"More importantly her family would be powerful allies," Thorin added in a surly tone. "When you are king, you will find yourself grateful for that."

"I expect, uncle, that you are less concerned with what I will be grateful for than what you can take advantage of now," Fili said. Jorda blinked at his tone. His behaviour was so odd today.

"Fili!" Dis exclaimed.

"Watch your tone, son," Vili said, his voice as always jolly but firm. Jorda had in fact not met him until the day of the wedding. He was an older version of Fili, but unlike his sarcastic and aloof son, had a happy and pleasant demeanour. Jorda thought she liked him quite a bit. He'd been unable to go on the quest because of the leg he'd lost in a previous battle, and the evening before had made several jokes about it at his own expense that had immediately put her at ease. But Fili appeared to heed what was said to him and spoke no more as Vili and Thorin continued to discuss alliances.

Jorda turned to Kili and started slightly. She hadn't realized how close he was sitting to her. He was leaning towards her from his chair as he ate, and their shoulders were nearly touching. He looked at her, smiling, and she blinked for a moment. Then leaning towards him, she murmured in a tone that hopefully wasn't heard by others. "What are they talking about?"

Kili smiled and turned so that his lips were inches from her ear. "Fili is to be engaged to a princess from the Grey Mountains." His barely perceptible voice was like sumptuous velvet. Jorda raised her brows and looked back at Fili, who was now fully glaring at them, clearly very aware of what they had been discussing. She raised her brows at him at him before turning back to Kili.

"He's seems delighted," she whispered. They laughed together as they turned and glanced at Fili together, who now looked livid. Fili turned on Kili.

"Brother, does something amuse you? You know how I dislike secrets, and you and Jorda seem to be sharing some that perhaps we would all enjoy." Kili coughed and pulled away from Jorda suddenly. It was strange. Fili seemed irritated but what he said didn't seem to warrant Kili's alarmed response. However, glancing at Kili Jorda saw that he now appeared anxious, a slight flush colouring his skin.

"Fili!" Dis exclaimed. "Don't be silly! They are simply exchanging loving words, as newlyweds should!"

Fili only laughed and looked away. Jorda paused for a moment. Fili seemed to know something, seemed to be making fun of her. Did he think that something was odd about Kili's behaviour towards her? Was he aware that Kili hadn't arrived at her chamber the evening before? If anyone were aware it was likely to be him. They were as close as any brothers could be.

She shrugged the thought away. Clearly all was well with her and Kili and there had only been a misunderstanding of some sort. Or perhaps it wasn't unusual for the bride to spend the first night alone for dwarves from the Blue Mountains. Although everyone at the table, except maybe Fili, clearly seemed to think Kili had spent the night with her, surely there was a reasonable explanation.

Jorda began to feel hungry as she was comforted by this thought, and was able to eat a little breakfast. After awhile, Thorin stood. "There is a great deal to be seen to," he said. "Please excuse me." Fili and Vili rose to join him. Kili turned to her and leaned into her ear again. She smiled at the action this time.

"He always says that when he's gotten so bored with talking about weddings that he can't handle it anymore. He'll probably go nap now." His laugh was low and his eyes sparkled when she looked at him smiling as they shared the private joke. Her smile fell when Kili pushed away from the table and readied to leave.

"Must you go so soon?" She asked. "I was hoping we could speak." Kili's face fell.

"Oh Jorda, you'll have to let him go eventually. He has responsibilities to see to," her mother chided. "You've had him to yourself all night, and will see him again this evening. And you have other duties as well." Jorda masked her disappointment carefully. She would have to be patient and wait until that evening. She had no doubt that Kili would come to her this night absolutely.

"Oh don't fuss, Parminda," Dis smiled, patting Jorda's mother's hand. They had grown quite familiar with each other over the past weeks. "You remember the early days, don't you? When being separated for a day seemed like an eternity? Why, when Vili and I were first married, I was counting the hours until the evening when we could …."

Kili coughed loudly, clearly interrupting Dis on purpose. Dis stopped speaking, but she and Jorda's mother shared a knowing look as they chuckled, glancing at Jorda whose face was flaming. Kili looked at Jorda. "I'll see you at supper," he said. He bent to kiss her cheek again, and while doing so stroked his hand gently along her jaw. Jorda felt goose bumps raise on her skin at the action.

For Jorda, the day did in fact drag by slowly. The moment until she could be alone with Kili to speak with him seemed to be determined almost never to come.

Her day was full of what her mother and Dis considered to be womanly responsibilities. With the restoration of Erebor only in its beginnings, there was much to do. She learnt that Kili spent much of his day working alongside the other dwarves to clear rooms and complete repairs. A silver mine was being reopened today, and much had to be done to ensure that everything went smoothly and safely.

Meanwhile, Dis was responsible for overseeing the restoration of the kitchens and laundry, for organizing serving staff, for ensuring that rooms were being cleaned and prepared adequately as they were cleared, and for seeing that the castle had sufficient supplies to feed and house exponentially expanding number of dwarves that now inhabited it. It was an enormous task. She had several dwarves and dwarrodams working under her, and she clearly expected Jorda to play an essential role in completion of these responsibilities.

Jorda balked at this. She had never been responsible for overseeing anything and didn't have any idea where to start. It had never been expected that she would marry royalty and have this level of responsibility. She and her parents reasonably had thought she would marry someone of similar status and would have a small simple home to run that required that she sew, cook, and clean for her own family only. She hadn't ever thought she'd be the person telling others what to do, and preparing what was needed for thousands of dwarves was very different than what was needed for her small family of three or four.

Also, Jorda learnt that her parents were planning to depart for the Iron Hills that day, which saddened her.

"I was hoping that you would be here a bit longer," she said to them, looking at her father.

"Someone needs to see to the shop," he said. "I had several orders that have been waiting since we left." Of course Jorda understood his urgency. He'd been away for nearly three months, and although the quality of his product was unsurpassed, his livelihood also depended on his reputation as a reliable and timely provider.

Her mother was clearly reluctant to leave. She pulled Jorda into an uncharacteristically warm embrace and murmured in her ear. "We'll return to visit soon, and when you become pregnant and have the baby I will come for a long stay."

Jorda nodded. She felt unprepared for what was before her and wished her mother were staying to provide guidance. Despite the difficulties her mother had understanding her, always so distressed by Jorda's adventures that her mother worked hard to keep others from knowing about, Jorda relied on her mother greatly for her education as a good wife. As though reading her thoughts her mother reassured her.

"The Lady Dis will help you," she said, holding Jorda's gaze. Jorda felt her eyes being to prick with tears and nodded. "And you will make friends and meet other wives. And it sounds as though soon Prince Fili will be married, and then you will have a sister!" She said the last words in a low voice. The engagement was not yet official and had not yet even announced. Jorda nodded again, feeling encouraged.

"Mother," she said as her father moved away to see to their cart. They were to be escorted by a company of ten dwarves, as befitted the parents of the prince's wife. She felt another pang of anxiety and wished to seek her mother's advice. Her mother looked at her, waiting. "Mother," she began again. She was unsure how to word what she wished to ask, unsure what exactly it was that she wished to know, just wondering for a moment that something may be amiss with her own marriage already.

"Out with it, Jorda," her mother said impatiently.

Jorda paused, thinking better of her question. "Travel safely."

Her mother smiled and turned her cheek so that Jorda could kiss her and then embraced her again. "You've been raised well, my daughter, and I have no doubt you know how to be a dutiful wife. You will be most happy, and you have made your father and I proud." Jorda nodded, surprised. Her mother had never seemed proud of her before, just anxious about her wandering ways.

Jorda went to embrace her father. He held her for a long time. Pulling away she smiled at him nodding. It would only distress him if she cried, so she fought with every ounce of her abilities not to shed a single tear or let a single lip tremble.

The moment came for then to depart. Her father helped her mother into the cart, and then they were moving out of the gates. She watched their retreating backs and then when she could no longer see them stood for a long moment, feeling alone and small, despite Lire's ever constant presence a short distance away from her at this moment.

Sighing she turned away and made her way back to Lady Dis. She had work to see to and intended not to be a disappointment.


	4. A Pleasurable Evening

Jorda sat beside Dis that evening at supper as they spoke with a dwarrowdam who had only arrived that day from the Blue Mountains and appeared to have a close connection with Dis. She started as someone sat next to her and put their hand on the small of her back.

Jorda turned, meeting Kili's warm gaze. "Good evening my wife," he said and leaned towards her, kissing her cheek. The scratch of the stubble on her skin lingered as he pulled away.

"Good evening, my husband."

"How was your day?"

"Mama and Pappa left," she said, feeling a pang in her chest.

"I heard that. I'm sorry I couldn't come to say goodbye. I'd hoped to when I found out that they were leaving, but I wasn't able to get away. They didn't have very many young dwarves working at the time, and my leaving would have left them with two capable hands."

She smiled at him. "They needed you more than I did, Kili. I hadn't even thought that you might come." Her eyes pricked as she remembered watching her parents leave, and she blinked the tears away.

He brought his hand to her check. "I am sorry, Jorda. I really wish I could have been there."

"Oh no," she said, putting her hand on his arm. "I'm only sad that they are gone. I really do understand why you couldn't be there, and I didn't even expect that of you. It's a busy time."

Kili nodded, looking reassured that she was not angry with him. "You must miss them so much, especially your father." Jorda nodded.

"I really do! But they'll be back soon to visit, I hope." She did her best to make her voice sound bright.

"Do you think they would move here?" Kili asked.

Jorda paused. "I'd hate to ask that of them if they didn't want to. But wouldn't that be wonderful? I do wish that our children would know all of their grandparents well." Suddenly she blushed. She felt embarrassed discussing children with him. It brought up intimacies they didn't yet share.

"Me too," Kili said, not seeming to notice her discomfort. He moved his hand from her cheek to her own hand and squeezed it. "Perhaps we can convince them. I would like our sons and daughters to learn the skills you did from your father."

Jorda laughed. "You wouldn't mind our daughters learning what I did?" She asked.

"Not at all. I want them to be just like their mother in every way because I wouldn't change her for the all of Middle Earth." Kili leaned in to whisper what he said next in her ear, his breath skimming over the sensitive skin of her neck. "I forgot to tell you. I have all of your weapons from the quest." They were surrounded by people, many of whom were glancing at them with interest, but they didn't appear to hear him. He'd clearly been keeping this secret. Jorda pulled back with a gasp and clasped her hands together.

"Oh you do!" She said. "Oh I'm so glad. I thought they were lost!" She noticed an elderly dwarrowdam near them smiled at her and Kili before turning back to a dwarrowdam beside her. They exchanged words Jorda could not hear and then both turned and smiled at them again.

"They appeared in my room one day. I think someone thought that they should be in my possession, but they are yours. I'll make arrangements to get them to you." Jorda nearly said that he could bring them to her room this evening but decided not too. She felt nervous about this evening and thought his arriving at her door with weapons on the night of their consummation would be too strange for her.

"Thank you, Kili," she said. This time it was her turn to lean in. She threw her arms around him and kissed his cheek, delighted at his kindness to return to her the items she'd made with her father. She smiled at Kili, her arms still around him. The elderly dwarrowdams glanced at them again and smiled.

"Come, I would like to visit with some people." Kili pulled her to her feet. He guided her around the room with his hand on her back until They stopped beside a young couple. Jorda realized the woman was one of her attendants, Daeen, her cousin from the Iron Hills. Jorda hadn't seen her in over a year before her wedding. "Jorda!" Daeen said. "How are you?" Daeen curtsied before leaning in to embrace her.

"I am well!" She Jorda said. "And you?"

"I am just wonderful, thank you. I'm so happy to be here! I'm so glad Rard agreed to come to Erebor after it was reclaimed. Did I tell you we are going to stay here?"

"No! The wedding day was such a blur! If you did I didn't remember. And I haven't met Rard yet," Jorda added, glanced at the dwarf next to Daeen. He and Kili were engaged in discussion.

"Oh I hadn't realized! Please!" Daeen rested her hand on Rard's arm. "Darling, I would like you to meet my cousin, Jorda." Rard made a small bow as he grinned at Jorda.

"At your service," my lady.

"And I am at yours," Jorda answered. Then Rard moved in and embraced her, lifting her feet slightly of the ground.

"We are to be family soon!" He said. She laughed as he returned her to her feet while Daeen tutted at him.

Kili returned his hand to Jorda's back. She felt him stroke his thumb against her ribs slightly as he pulled her to lean slightly into him. She couldn't help turning to smile at him.

"Oh just look at you too," Daeen cooed. "Could you be anymore in love?"

Jorda blushed delightedly and glanced at Kili, who was smiling down at her. For a few moments she'd entirely forgotten about the confusion she had about last night, and she couldn't be more sure he would arrive in her room tonight. "Jorda," Kili said, "I only met Rard today. He's one of the other dwarves I was was working with."

"One of the ones working at least," he said, chuckling. Kili laughed with him. "Old Droin must have taken at least six naps."

"Seven according to Fili," Kili said. Of course Fili had been counting.

As if summoned by his name, Fili appeared by their side. Jorda realized she hadn't seen him for awhile.

"Brother," Kili greeted him, "been busy?"

"I have," Fili said grinning at Kili over Jorda's head. "I found the most lovely maid to flirt with. She's only just arrived from the Iron Hills."

"Oh, is it anyone I know?" Daeen asked. Fili glanced at her and mumbled about not getting a name. Jorda felt a flash of irritation at Fili. She really did like him most of the time, but considering he was about to be betrothed he could try to be a bit more respectful of his future wife. She glanced at Kili who only seemed to enjoy his brother's awkward moment.

The conversation continued about shared acquaintances and the new people arriving every day and how gay things were becoming. Jorda was as excited as they were but began to quickly feel tired. She yawned several times, at first discretely but then couldn't hide it anymore. She felt Kili watching her.

"I hate to end our discussion but I believe my wife needs rest," he said. Everyone looked at her and she smiled gratefully at Kili.

"I haven't had much sleep lately," she said. Rard's explosive laugh followed and she realized what she'd said, blushing furiously.

"I'll help you find Lire," Kili said. She guided her across the room to the door where her guard stood waiting for her, talking with several other dwarves. He scowled slightly when he saw her. She turned to Kili.

"Thank you," she said. As usual she was burning with questions, but she still hadn't been alone with him, leaving her unable to ask them. Some had been answered by his actions but there were new ones now. Just never a chance to talk.

He gazed into her eyes for a moment and then bent, kissing her cheek tenderly. She turned and kissed his as well, before he straightened. "I'm going to stay here for awhile," he said. She nodded. This would give her time to prepare. She turned and went to her room, trailed by her silent companion.

Upon arriving at her room she began the preparations from previous night. She pulled back the covers, sure now that was how she wanted them. She brushed her hair with hands that shook with excitement and donned a pink lace night gown. She glanced in the mirror and approved of what she saw. She was ready.

Five hours later she sat on the edge of the bed, watching the notched candle burn lower and lower. She was fighting sleep and pinched herself regularly to stay awake. Kili had clearly been detained and she wanted to be awake when he arrived. Dwarves could drink late into the night. She rose and began to pace. Her limbs were cold as she did so, but soon some warmth returned to them.

Six hours, then seven, then eight passed. Still no Kili. Jorda wandered around the room, examining her belongings, the tapestry on the wall, the door behind the tapestry that was still locked. She reminded herself that she wanted to ask Kili about it.

The candle finally sputtered out after ten hours. She replaced it with a new one. He was not coming. She was so disappointed as she dressed for breakfast. She wore a new blue gown that her mother had ordered as part of the wedding preparations. Opening her door she saw Lire standing there and walked passed him knowing he'd follow her to the breakfast room.


End file.
